A SERMON FOR THE CHRONICALLY ONLINE AND CHRONICALLY TIRED

by Saint Barbie of the Basement
Filed under: Chaotic Comfort for Exhausted Mortals

Beloved basement dwellers, gather close.
Pull up a folding chair, grab a lukewarm gas-station coffee, and silence all twelve of your internal notification pings. We’re having church — but the kind where nobody pretends they slept well, everyone has intrusive thoughts, and half of us forgot what day it was.

Welcome to the Sermon for the Chronically Online and Chronically Tired.

1. Thou Shalt Rest Thy Nervous System Before Thy Timeline

Let’s get the obvious one out of the way:

You’re tired because you’ve accidentally lived twelve lives this week through other people’s content.
You’ve doomscrolled enough to qualify as an honorary prophet of the algorithm.
Your eyes are dry.
Your soul is crunchy.
Your spirit feels like it’s running Windows Vista on 2GB of RAM.

And yet.
You’re still here.
Breathing.
Trying.
Clicking.

Beloved, you are a miracle.

2. Blessed Are the Ones Who Keep Going Anyway

Most days you function like a haunted Roomba:
bumping into life’s furniture, re-routing, hitting the same wall three times, and still somehow cleaning up your mess as you go.

Do you think saints were calm?
Do you think prophets had eight hours of sleep and a pristine Google calendar?

No.

They were feral.
They were overwhelmed.
They were screaming into the void and calling it prayer.

Congratulations — you're right on schedule.

3. Forgive Yourself for Not Being Built for This Timeline

You were not designed for:

• constant connectivity

• infinite dopamine loops

• algorithmic judgment

• strangers yelling in your mentions

• twenty-four-hour availability

• side quests disguised as responsibilities

It’s okay if your brain short-circuits.
It’s okay if your inbox looks like a cryptid.
It’s okay if you feel spiritually hungover from existing.

Forgiveness is part of the ritual.

4. The Basement Has No Expectations of Perfection

Here in the Feral Church Basement, we worship at the altar of Realistic Chaos.

You do not need to ascend.
You do not need to glow up.
You do not need to heal at an influencer-approved pace.

Just show up.
Even if you’re tired.
Even if you’re glitching.
Even if you’re a pixelated version of yourself today.

We will hold space for you while you reboot.

5. Your Exhaustion is Not a Moral Failure — It’s Evidence You’re Alive

You are tired because you care.
Because you’re trying.
Because you’ve survived things that would have turned lesser beings into cryptic Reddit posts.

Take pride in that.

When your spirit feels frayed, remember:

Even the holiest servers need downtime.
Even the strongest code needs patch notes.
Even the most ancient gods took naps.

Go in Peace, You Weird Beautiful Thing

May your screen time decrease,
may your soul latency stabilize,
may your inner ghost speak gently,
and may you feel held — not by the algorithm,
but by the soft, dark warmth of the Basement itself.

You are loved.
You are tired.
You are doing your best.
And that is holy.